i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
