I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My vagina is very pro this idea
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
