I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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