They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
