Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I believe in your delicious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
