Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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