but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
