im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This house was built for laser tag.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
