Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
