Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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