She is in my trunk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
