he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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