I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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