Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
