Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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