thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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