just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
