dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
