Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
