I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
This house was built for laser tag.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
