The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
