Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
