I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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