Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
