me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
