WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
