I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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