party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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