haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
