so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
