She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
