Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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