my mouth tastes like poor choices
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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