According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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