I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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