walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
