85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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