were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
