How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
