I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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