I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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