I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
