I'm drive I can fine osifer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
