You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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