In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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