I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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