question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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