I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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