Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
