Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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