??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
