when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
